Pronouns and Commas and Verbs, Oh My!

by Ada Wilders

There is no way around it; effective writing is essential for your success. In the business world, written correspondence is often the primary vehicle for transmitting information and, in many cases, determines others’ perception of you and your abilities. So, it’s very important to pay attention to pronouns, commas, and verbs!

In our high-tech world, information we write and send to others is almost immediately received. That feeling of immediacy may cause the writer to hurry the process and neglect to verify accuracy, appropriateness, and completeness. It is important to take the time to write in such a way that your message is clear, correct, and professional.

Please read each of the following e-mails. Would you prefer to have written Version One or Version Two?

Version One
I want to let you know that starting in July of 2004, the Capital Analyst will post the asset listing by cost center for review by all our Managers in NAME OF COMPANY. In compliance with NAME, its’ very important that we ensure all of the assets on our books are properly being reported at all times. This will assure that the financial statements are complete and accurate as well as what is being reported on our property taxes. I would like to remind you that as the Cost Center Managers’ you are responsible for all fixed assets in your departments. I know that some of you have not paid attention to this important responsibility. Each mouth the asset list will be updated in the intranet for your review. To view the asset listing on the intranet, you simply have too click on Finance. On a quarterly basis I would like to ask that your review for existence, completeness and valuation (impairment) of all of your assets. After reviewing the asset listing please forward an e-mail to the Capital Analyst acknowledging that you have reviewed your cost center and all information is accurate. If you have any questions or concerns or if anything is not clear to you, call me at XXXX Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Version Two
In compliance with NAME, we must ensure all assets on our books are properly reported. As Cost Center managers, you are responsible for your department’s fixed assets. To ensure that financial statements are complete and accurate, the Capital Analyst will begin posting the asset listing by cost center on the intranet in July 2004 and will update it monthly.

To read the listing, click on “Finance.” Please review it quarterly for existence, completeness and valuation (impairment) then send an e-mail to the Capital Analyst verifying your review of the information and its accuracy. If you need assistance, please contact me at XXX. Thanks very much.

Version Two is concise and direct and thus much easier to read. Version One is unclear, clumsy and weak. It also contains spelling and grammatical errors. The reader must re-read this document (perhaps many times) to gain clarity.

To develop a professional writing style, there are many areas to address including:

• The reader’s perspective
• Clear statement of specific purpose
• Grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation.
• Use of simple words
• Using words correctly
• Using active rather than passive voice
• Redundancy
• Clichés and jargon.
• Page design
• Proofreading

Most business writers simply need a review in order to improve their writing. For others, learning the basics in each of the above areas and understanding the need for proofreading and using reference materials will result in much improved writing.

Here are a few “challenges” to see how you’re doing!

Which is correct?

1. canceled or cancelled
“We __________ our 3:00 meeting”

2. among or between
“There is conflict _________ sales and operations.”

3. affect or effect
“What __________ will this have on our final numbers?”

Please correct the following:

4. “Please pass me the boss’ request”.

5. Before we continue, we need a definite decision”.

6. “His experience made him sullen, bitter, and a cynic”.